Exchanging self and other · Verse 11 of 37
Verse 11: Exchanging Self and Others (Tonglen)
Verse 11 of The Thirty-Seven Practices of Bodhisattvas, the fourteenth-century Tibetan poem by Gyalse Tokme Zangpo (1295–1369). It belongs to the section on exchanging self and other.
All suffering without exception comes from wishing for your own happiness. The perfect buddhas are born from the altruistic mind. Therefore, truly exchange your own happiness for the suffering of others. This is the way of a bodhisattva.
The practice of all the bodhisattvas is to make a genuine exchange
Of one's own happiness and well-being for all the sufferings of others.
Since all misery comes from seeking happiness for oneself alone,
Whilst perfect buddhahood is born from the wish for others' good.
All suffering comes from wanting your own happiness.
Complete awakening arises from the intention to help others.
So, exchange completely your happiness
For the suffering of others — this is the practice of a bodhisattva.
A facilitator's reading across the commentaries
Notable convergence on guardrails — KTGR (this takes years), AB (emptiness prevents martyrdom), KS (feel first or it's lip-service), KM (don't make it another happiness-strategy). The teachers seem more worried about premature or fake exchange than about reluctance. Strong session pairing with your Ngondro practice: tonglen instructions appear here in four distinct forms.
GR Garchen Rinpoche · HHDL H.H. the Dalai Lama · AB Dr. Alexander Berzin · KTGR Khenpo Tsultrim Gyamtso Rinpoche · KS Khenpo Sodargye · TC Ven. Thubten Chodron · KM Ken McLeod
What the teachers say
Garchen Rinpoche Drikung Kagyu
Self-cherishing has piled up "like non-stop falling snowflakes." His signature method: every time "I" arises — wanting tea, admiring a flower — offer the object first to the Triple Gem; "in every single dollar there is an 'I' attached to it." Tonglen scaled to capacity, from giving to parents up to the Tibetan poor who gave to beggars poorer than themselves. Giving with hope of return yields little merit (citing Milarepa).
Full commentary: 37practices.info (37practices.info serves this as one long page; find the verse by number.)
H.H. the Dalai Lama Gelug
Cites Shantideva's contrast: "Holding oneself dear is the door to every downfall. Holding others dear is the ground of every quality." Gives breath-linked tonglen: take in all beings' suffering on the in-breath, give happiness and merit on the out-breath. Even temporary exchange practice brings peace of mind; self-cherishing yields nothing but worry.
Full commentary: 37practices.info (37practices.info serves this as one long page; find the verse by number.)
Dr. Alexander Berzin Gelug
The philosophical safety-rail: "me" is only a conventional label, so the scope of care can expand — as the hand helps the foot. Suffering has no true owner; remove it because it hurts, not because it's "mine." "It's only frightening when we think of a solid 'me'" — voidness is what keeps tonglen from becoming a martyr complex.
Full commentary: studybuddhism.com
Khenpo Tsultrim Gyamtso Rinpoche Karma Kagyu
Stresses the word truly exchange — actual accomplishment, not lip service, possible only after long training on the bodhisattva levels. Detailed tonglen: happiness out as white light, suffering in as black smoke dissolved at the heart. "You should actually be able to accomplish this exchange. Then you are a true Bodhisattva."
Full commentary: dharmaebooks.org (Free ebook, trans. Suzanne Schefczyk.)
Khenpo Sodargye Nyingma, Larung Gar
All fear and struggle arise from clinging to a nonexistent "I" versus "others." Shantideva's graded path: equalize, exchange, cherish others more. First feel others' suffering — when an animal is killed, imagine your own head cut off — "otherwise it would just become lip-service." Tonglen per Dilgo Khyentse: begin with your most hated enemy. Story: the master who took a grieving widow's suffering upon himself — her pain vanished instantly.
Full commentary: khenposodargye.org (Free ebook PDF.)
Ven. Thubten Chodron Sravasti Abbey, Gelug
Covered in the Winter Retreat verses 10–15 talk.
Full commentary: thubtenchodron.org
Ken McLeod Shambhala / independent
Talk 5, "Compassion Without Limits" (vv11–13): distinguishes pain (sensation) from suffering (reaction) — "the problem is not whether you suffer—it's whether you try to avoid suffering." Tricycle v11 replies: pursuing happiness directly makes relationships transactional; "when you are fully engaged in something, questions of happiness don't arise."
Full commentary: unfetteredmind.org (Tricycle's per-verse written commentary is behind a subscriber paywall.)
Further reading: Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, The Heart of Compassion (Shambhala). A purchased book — no text is reproduced here.